Scrog in Quarantine Part 5: The TP Runs Out

That's right, the stash of toilet paper I started with at the beginning of this shit show (get it?) finally reached its last ply. 

I didn't think it would come to this. I still wonder how all those maniacs are doing who cleaned out every package of TP in existence back in March. It still makes zero sense. But I had my little, totally reasonable stockpile, and it lasted me until now. Finally, I had no choice but to make a TP run.

I went to my corner CVS, because it was the closest option and also because back in March when there was no TP anywhere, they had some. There of course was plenty this time, of all varieties. I perused the selection, and being the environmentally conscious fellow I am, was about to go with the recycled kind, when I spotted something I hadn't seen before: bamboo TP.

I was intrigued.

"Tree-free" and "septic safe" the package trumpeted. Again, being all about helping the environment where I can, this seemed appealing. It was brown, which maybe detracted somewhat from the appeal, but nevertheless, I reasoned, how bad could it be? Plus, the price was very good, and my Jew instincts always gravitate toward a bargain.

So I snapped up a pack and headed to the checkout. Now this cashier rings me up, I pay, and I SWEAR TO GOD as I grab my new bushel o' bamboo TP and turn to leave, this mother fucker half-mumbles to me, "Good luck."

"Good luck"?!?!?! What is this CVS clerk saying to me????? Is my asshole about to get torn up by a million bamboo micro-abrasions?! This does not rest well with me in any way whatsoever, sir!!!

Well, I am happy to report that my asshole is just fine, and the bamboo TP is perfectly pleasant, thank you very much. Not to mention eco-friendly. The nerve.

Anyway, tonight is movie night, and I rented Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, because I've never seen it before. I know, that seems completely unpossible, but it's just one of the gaping holes in my cinematic viewing log, which I intend to finally now fill so that I can watch the new one at some point and know what the hell is going on. 

Oh yeah, I also discovered the hologram effect on Photo Booth, as you can see above. Pretty sweet. 

God, life is tedious now.