What I'm struggling with the most, to be perfectly honest, is my severe ADHD. It's always a problem, but I think it might just be exacerbated by this confinement to my little one-bedroom for at least 23 out of every 24 hours. OK, "little" is somewhat misleading ... it's a nice size, I don't feel claustrophobic or anything. But still, with this being all there is, my mind kind of falls into a box of its own that it can't escape.
It's too embarrassing to get into specifics, but I will get hung up on something that I'll zero in on to the exclusion of all other thoughts. It will be something inconsequential to any normally functioning person, but I won't be able to let it go. Until my brain has decided it's RIGHT and can move on. I will stare at something for hours. Continuously. Staring at it, working it over in my head, turning it this way and that, trying to make it CLICK.
It exhausts me physically. I yearn to sleep, not only because I'm drained, but for the relief of turning my brain to something else for awhile. Because I know the moment I wake up, it'll be right back on the same hamster wheel again. Until it isn't.
This is not normal. I know that. Most of the time I'm able to keep up appearances in spite of it when I'm interacting with people, because that pulls my mind off whatever it is, even if just momentarily. But now there is no interacting with other people. Not in person, anyway, which is what I really mean. Now it's just me and my addled brain.
There are two different ways this could go: 1) I learn during this time to control this affliction and come out of it better able to focus, or 2) I go completely batshit insane. Or I suppose there's always 3) I get the covid and die. I'm really hoping for 1 here.
All right, this has been fun. I'm gonna go get my Tuesday night tacos now.
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