Aiden Riley Does Not Have Conjunctivitis

I received a phone call this morning from my good friend Aiden Riley, director of such masterpieces as Pistol Whipped and Manhandled 10 (which come to think of it are probably his only two "masterpieces," and that's in comparison strictly to the rest of his oeuvre) to request my assistance in squashing the rumor apparently going around that he has been stricken with conjunctivitis.

At least that's what I think he said. I don't know, my bluetooth goes in and out and I lose bits and pieces. But I'm pretty sure he told me that people were freaking out because he joked on twitter that he had conjunctivitis and he needed to make it clear to everyone that he's absolutely fine and they have nothing to fear.

So let if officially be known that if you are currently scheduled to work for Aiden Riley, you are in no danger of contracting conjunctivitis! At least not from him.

That said, I also feel the need to note that my upcoming birthday party—for COMPLETELY SEPARATE AND UNRELATED REASONS—will not be taking place at Aiden's house. An alternate location has been secured and details will be sent out privately soon. Also, there will be an ample supply of Corona.