Land Shark Attack Bulletin

Land Shark is a person in my life who plagues my very existence with relentless comments and actions that take great, big, gaping bites out of my soul. My log of LS's latest strike:

So it's been a long, looooooong time since Land Shark has made an appearance ... so long, in fact, that I'd been living under the assumption I was forever free of the beast. But then lo and behold, who texts me out of the clear frickin' blue yesterday? Yep, like a years-dormant killer who's been lying in wait with inhuman patience to slay again, there's my age-old nemesis LS, back to haunt me once more from my phone screen. "Hey fuckface," the text reads. "Miss me? Got a question: this friend of mine is coming in for Comic-Con and wants to know if you could set him up for dinner one night with a porn whore. He's got a thing for your tattooed pig girlfriend Joanna Angel. LMK. He'll pay." My response (after recovering from the shock): "No. Go away." LS's comeback: "Whatever, loser. Have fun jerking off to all your hooker friends you wish you could bang while the rest of us are leading functional lives as normal members of society. Kisses."