New Piece of Crucial 'Black Swan' Info Revealed

As previously established, the upcoming film Black Swan contains the single most anticipated chunk of celluloid in the entire stretch of my Scroggy existence: lesbianosity between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.

Well I have just learned that ON TOP OF THAT, this thing has my perennially pined-after Natalie doing some of the MASTURBATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friends, I seriously may have to put one or all of you on death watch over me when this movie comes out, because if I even manage to survive a viewing of it without perishing from some massive coronary of supreme ecstasy, I'm not entirely sure I can be trusted afterward to stop myself from ending it all out of realization that I have experienced the absolute zenith of being and there is nowhere left to go but down.

In any event, let us celebrate this new revelation with the uncensored version of Natalie's gangsta rap from SNL: