Please God, Tell Me Ron Jeremy Didn't Pork My Mom

OK, on Saturday night, I went to this pretty rad party that Matt Zane invited me to thrown by current Hustler cover girl Jayme Langford for her girlfriend Alexandra Ivy's birthday at their house. Sometime close to midnight, who strolled in but Ron Jeremy. I found this interestingly coincidental, because not two days earlier, my mom had phoned me up to tell me she'd just heard him on the radio in my hometown of Charlotte, N.C.

Well, I went up and engaged Ron in a little small talk, during which I said to him, "So I heard you were just in my hometown." "Where's that?" he asked. "Charlotte," I said, to which he replied, "Yeah! How'd you know that?"

"My mom called me up ..." I began, and he jumped in with, "Oh, god! That was your mom?!"

Now here's the troubling part: The following morning — Mother's Day, to be precise — I made the obligatory Mother's Day call to her, and figured, what the hell, I'll share the story, we'll both have a good chuckle. So I did, and she responded not with a "ha ha" but with one of those kind of nervous "heh ... heh"s that tell you either this person doesn't get the humor here or you've just inadvertently busted them on something they didn't expect you to.

I'm going to presume the former and go on with my life as if this series of events never occurred.